Never in my life have I witnessed a franchise raped so hard in the ass that it is no longer capable of excreting waste. Michael Bay has destroyed the Transformers franchise singlehandedly with his 2 inch penis.
Now I don't usually do movie reviews, but I don't usually watch bad movies. I take great pride in being able to discern which movies are going to be worth seeing in theaters and which ones I'll ignore and let the unenlightened plebeians watch. I've only messed up once, and that was Ridley Scott's Robin Hood. Michael Bay has brought my count up to 2 and so I feel it is necessary to express my great anger at this demon that he has wrought.
First off, Megan Fox's replacement has done something I never thought possible. Be cornier than Megan Fox. This stupid and highly oblivious woman has about as much acting talent as a fire hydrant. The British accent only makes it worse. Her constant screaming and hilariously overacted (read: soap opera) dialogue kept me laughing at all the wrong times during the movie.
Now I'm going to go into NERD WORLD. Transformers has always been a franchise with a lot of depth. What started out as a bunch of cool toys turned into a vast universe with interesting characters, backstory, and more importantly quality. The first cartoon Transformers movie where (spoiler!) Optimus Prime dies was a huge hit. And, with the exception of one or two scenes (it was a cartoon after all), was not very corny.
Here's my main beef. What would've made for a great trilogy of Transformers movies would've been the prequel to what they've currently released. A trio of movies about the War for Cybertron and the origin stories of the characters. There's been this huge fascination in Hollywood with bringing cartoons of comics into a modern day setting when they're made into movies. Sometimes this has worked (Batman!!). Other times it's sucked. Like now. In each of three movies there have been flashback scenes to Cybertron where a minute or so is shown of what is obviously a more interesting story then the loveable tales of Sam Witwicky and his robot pals. It angers me to see such a good storytelling opportunity wasted by Michael Bay's need to put human actors in the film that obviously have either a. no talent or b. really nice boobs.
