On the distinctions of devices that people tend to have problems with today

On the distinctions of devices that people tend to have problems with today (Originally posted on Sunday, Janurary 10th at 5:36 am)
I want to start off by saying that I have decided that from this day forth, any idiot who sends me another invitation to "Mafia Wars" or some other stupid and meaningless abomination to Flash will die. No discussion on this point.

Now, I have a huge problem with any and all facebook applications. I am on facebook for two reasons. To post obnoxious and inappropriate things on people's walls and photos and to get invited to super awesome parties. Unfortunately, I am currently attending community college so the latter is not a frequent occurrence. This is most saddening, however, this is not what I want to discuss.

What I want to discuss is this new fad that has arisen with multi purpose devices. It is the disgusting and irreverent sacrilege known as needless multi function.

Allow me to explain this from my point of view. In my house and on my person, I use many electronic gadgets. I have a computer for facebook and email. I have a television for watching the office and V. I have an iPod to listen to music and store all other electronic media. I have an Xbox for playing video games when time allows. And I have a phone for calling and texting people. All of these devices serve a unique purpose and they serve it well.

What ticks me off is when devices try to merge these things together. Sometimes this happens in a fashion where it is useful. For instance. The iPhone is an extremely effective combination of phone and internet, not to mention music player and portable movie viewer. Its greatness as a gaming device is very debatable. However few have managed this kind of greatness. It is here where my anger is incited beyond reasonable levels. For instance, the other day I was over at a great man's house with a group watching a movie on his verizon FIOS compatible television. We were watching a good old stupid teen comedy when his friend begins flipping through functions on the television and is amazed that he can play solitaire on this device. SOLITAIRE?! SOLITAIRE?! Really. On a TV screen? I fail to see any greatness in this. We have computers for this sort of mindless activity.

Similarly, and probably more importantly, facebook has a lot of hideous, last minute, tacked on and needless features. The biggest of these are the games. Farmville is the bane of my existence. And what strikes me as the oddest thing about Farmville is that people show it off like it's something to be proud of. "Kelly harvested 10 ears of corn today! HURRAY SHE GETS A GOLD MEDAL!" Or "Ryan wasted a half hour milking his gargantuan army of digital cows!" And "Cindy found a stray cat! She named it pickles!". So not only does Farmville suck away your time as you click on random pieces of digital live stock and crops, it brags to your friends that you have nothing else better to do than click on random pieces of digital live stock and crops.

Sometimes what is even more annoying than Farmville is these random applications I keep receiving invitations to. "Brian wants to you throw an axe at his face! Play axe in the face today!" Especially those stupid social interview ones or those darn quizzes that tell you what kind of mythological winged beast you'd be best at having sex with. No one cares. And anybody who comments on your results is probably naked and eating away their feelings while they do so.

On an unrelated note, I hate people who can't text and talk to you at the same time. Due to my slightly out of date non touch screen phone, I have mastered the art of texting while not looking at what I am saying. And 9 and a half times out of 10 I pull off a flawlessly worded message with no typos. Now, I don't expect all of you to be able to measure up to my near super human mastery of the art of texting. It's a little unreasonable as I know it's a talent few are able to acquire. However, what I do expect you to do is excuse yourself while you text on your lower level plain of existence. I know very few people who can talk at the same time. A deep and meaningful conversation may be occurring until a text message arrives. Time and space has frozen now. The world around is meaningless. All of your priorities and worries have melted away as you have just received a TEXT MESSAGE. Without even the courtesy of excusing yourself to take the message, you take out your phone and begin to type furiously, ignoring what anyone else is saying to you. This is rude. Extremely rude. Gain the ability to multi task or acknowledge the fact that you are inferior and excuse yourself.